Towsytyke Cairn Terriers, Australia


Welcome to Towsytyke Cairn Terriers





First time at a Dog Show, I’ll tell you quite plain,
I’ll never, no never go near one again.
The breeder said, “Show him!” when I bought my dog
I showed him alright, the whole place was agog.

They gave me a number, they gave me a pin
But I couldn’t bear to stick the thing in,
So I rushed to the shop and bought some super glue,
And I stuck the card onto his back – in the loo.

We arrived at the ringside to find we were first
In the puppy dog class (this part is the worst)
We marched in together as fast as was able,
Arrived at the judge who said “Up on the table.”

This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight;
And I just couldn’t make it, try as hard as I might;
The judge looked quite worried, he said, “Listen here,
Put your DOG on the table, not you my dear.”

By now I was trembling, I felt such a fool’
But I said to myself – “play it cool – play it cool”
“How old?” said the judge, I heard it quite clear,
Well really, I thought and said, “Thirty next year.”

The steward, poor fellow, threw a kind of a fit,
He spluttered, he coughed, and his eyes ran a bit’
“I’d have that cough seen to,” I said to him when
He’d finally stopped….then he started again.

“Once round the ring dear, as fast as you can,”
Said the judge, so I did, I just ran and I ran;
But when I arrived (Out of breath, I admit)
The judge said,”your DOG dear,”I felt such a twit.

Off round once again, I kept my head bent
Oh, the shame, my pup crouched, he just went and went:
A lady came running with a bucket and spade.
With manure so pricey, has she got it made!

We came back to the judge who said with a frown
“Stand your dog,”I said, “Please sir, he’s not lying down.”
“You can take the first place stand.” He said- I said- Ta
What a job I had getting that stand in the car!!!!!!

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Heartworm, parvo, fleas and mange,
Ticks and worms and rabies,
Parasites, herpes, cuts and bits,
Haemophilia and scabies.

Broken bones, entropion,
Hypothyroid, kennel cough,
And gastroenteritis.

We raise our pups so carefully,
We watch for all these ills,
We dose them with the proper kinds
Of shots and salve and pills.

A fortune do we lavish on
This wonder dog – or prize
And what does he reward us with?
He’s either under or over size.

Your family has no holidays,
Your spouse gives up his boat,
The bucks are all spent on the dog,
Who just never grows a coat.

You brush and comb and socialise
But it’s the honest truth,
That all the time and all that care
Won’t hide the missing tooth.

There is not time left for your crew
To take the hoped-for trip,
You spend your days just working on,
The coat that he has just ripped.

The elbows go out, the topline sags,
The tail is too low or gay,
The angulation just isn’t there.
The pigment has turned grey.

Just try your best, give them the top
Vet care and food and water,
But it’s only by a stroke of luck
That they turn out like they oughta!

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Once upon a time there lived a charming “yuppie” in a penthouse, atop a skyscraper in the heart of Sydney. Although our “yuppie” had all the material things money could buy, such as a Club Sports Holden, an Omega watch, designer suits, and even a private box at the Opera, he found himself very lonely. He seemed to have plenty of friends, but when put to the test his so called “friends” failed him. All they seemed interested in was his worldly possessions and not in himself. After all he was just an ordinary, run of the mill type “yuppie.”

“Alas”, cried he, where can I find a true friend who will just love me for what I am. The waitress at the trendy coffee lounge heard his cries and after picking up the tip, gave him this advice.

“Go out and get yourself a dog – you silly ass, “ she advised.

So out he went and bought himself a dog – not just any dog – a standard poodle on which he lavished the best of everything.

But our “yuppie” friend had a thing about flowers, growing them, that is. And on the roof of his penthouse, on the skyscraper high above Sydney Harbour, he had this beautiful potted garden of flowers. He had them artfully arranged so that they hid the pure ugliness of the rooftop and the cornice around his penthouse. But to his dismay, his elegant poodle also had a penchant about flowers – But his thing was to lift his leg and water the flowers. This dreadful habit was the first rift that grew in the relationship of the yuppie and his dog.

When the bad news reached the ears of the helpful waitress, she again offered him invaluable advice.

“ Yuppie”, she said,” perhaps a course in Dog Obedience will be helpful in solving the problem”.

What a wonderful idea, thought the Yuppie. So home he went to his penthouse and his fingers did the walking through the yellow pages until he found the phone number and address of the Redfern Dog Obedience Club. He enrolled in the classes and both he and the poodle were doing very well.

Eager to stay ahead of the ordinary people and their dogs he decided to train the dog himself. His dog had now progressed to the “stays”. So he obtained the manual and started to practise at home. .

“Down your dogs” the lesson read. – present the palm of your hand to the dog’s muzzle, command “STAY’ and back away one step, then another and then another.

On the fifth backward step, our Yuppie friend tripped over a potted petunia, plunged over the cornice and plummeted 34 stories downward to a sad end.

And that dear Obedience people, is how the exercise came to be known as

“The long down with the handler out of sight.”

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There was a time, there really was,
When I was young and tender.
When “Show Dog” meant a Disney star
and “bitch” was not a gender.

I went to bed at half past ten,
I went to church on Sunday.
On Saturday, I baked the beans,
and did the wash on Monday.

But then I got a certain pup.
An erstwhile friend said “Show”.
And so I did, and so I do,
Oh, what I didn’t know.

Once I dressed with flair and style,
That was the life- don’t knock it.
Now every dress from bed to ball
Must have a good bait pocket.

I used to have a certain air,
I wallowed in perfume.
I used to smell like Nuit d’Amour,
Now I smell like Mr Groom.

My furniture was haute décor,
My pets a tank of guppies
Now I’ve furniture that is un-stuffed,
And well adjusted puppies.

I used to long for furs and jewels.
and a figure classed as ‘super’
But now the thing I long for most,
Is a nice new pooper scooper.

I was taught to be well groomed,
No matter where I went.
Now all the grooming that I do
Is in my little tent.

While once I spoke in pristine prose,
In dulcet tones and frail,
I now am using language.
That would turn a sailor pale.

I adored a man tho murmured verse
Through intimate little dinners,
But now the words I like to hear,
Are just 3 – Best of Winners.

I really love my doggy life,
I wouldn’t care to change it.
But when I win that Best in Show,
I could maybe re-arrange it.

And when my days on earth are done,
I’ll go without much nudging.
Just give me 3 weeks closing time,
And let me know who’s judging.

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How long have you been with dogs?
I asked this old chap at the show.
Forty –odd years and more,
He replied.

Then there’s not much that you
Wouldn’t know.
I’m still learning, he said,
I’m still learning.
And it made me ponder a while
On those who knew it all in three months,
And I gave him a ghost of a smile.

You could tell he’d have none
Of the new-fangled
He was old-fashioned right
down to the core.
But I’ll bet when judges
Gathered together
His name would rank up there in the fore.

He would have hunted and shot over dogs
Before most of us had been born
He’s sat in the woods
And with them scented before dawn.
He’s bred, shown, paraded and judged,
He knew it all outside from in.
“But I’m still learning,” he said.
“I’m still learning.”
With his quiet, unobtrusive small grin.

So all we ringside Johnny-come Latelies,
All we experts, who own just ONE pup,
Remember that old guy’s forty years
Of “still learning”
And for goodness sake learn to SHUT UP.

Author unknown.

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Though some folks think I am, I'm not;
Though YOU perhaps show signs,
But in us it's surely justified:
Just LOOK at our dog's lines!

They really can't be faulted,
Which is more than some can say,
And the pups WE'VE bred are perfect,
And will beat the lot, someday.

You certainly have reason
To be SLIGHTLY kennel blind;
Your dogs ARE bred from my dogs,
And there ARE no faults in mine!

But doesn't it just sicken you
To hear that Mrs. Bing
Has PUPPIES from her ghastly pair
Due later in the Spring?

You wonder that she had the NERVE
To breed from "A" and "B;"
He's crippled; and she's cowhocked;
And they surely have HD.

(You can see it in their movement,'
No matter WHAT the vet's say.
I wonder why folks waste their time
And money on an x-ray?)

Remember when her import
Beat my dog? Well, I'm no prude,
But I hear on good authority
The judge that day was stewed!

Reminds me of the dog from East
That always wins at shows
But only under judges
That the owner really knows.

And how about the dog from West
That won the other day?!
I hear the owner had THAT judge
Around her place to stay!

Exhibitors are a jealous lot
I'm sure you will agree;
They seldom have a good word
For the winner...but not me!
I never mind when beaten
By a better dog than mine;
But he's not been born--AND NEVER WILL--

Author Unknown

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